Only You
by L.L Stewart
Summary: Post season 3 "Widening Gyre" (Okay everything in the show happened, up to Widening Gyre. Jax does not find out Tara is pregnant in Ireland and Salazar does not kidnap Tara. This is my take on what could have happened... I didn't like the fact that Tara took Jax back so quickly either, so I will be making the relationship very strained.)
1. Chapter 1

Title: Only You

Summary: Post season 3 "Widening Gyre" (Okay everything in the show happened, up to Widening Gyre. Jax does not find out Tara is pregnant in Ireland and Salazar doesn't kidnap Tara... Plus I didn't like the fact that Tara took Jax back so quickly.)

Category: Sons of Anarchy

Pairings: Jax and Tara

Rating: Mature Adult

Genres: Romance/Drama

Warnings: Same as the show.

Chapters: 1

Published: 10/28/2012

Completed: No

Disclaimer: I do not own Sons of Anarchy, Kurt Sutter does.

**Authors Notes: So i am not used to writing anything other than Buffy The Vampire Slayer & Angel fics, so this has been a little bit challenging. Would love everyone's opinions. Happy reading! :)**

* * *

It had only been thirty minutes and Jax was already getting impatient. He need to get to Ireland NOW...What the fuck was the pilot doing? Jax became angry and kicked the seat in front of him, "Jesus christ, what the fuck is the hold up?"

"Don't worry baby, we're going, they are just checking the plane for any mechanical problems, calm down. We will get Abel, I promise."

Jax glanced towards his mother who was sitting across from him and he scowled, "Why did you have to go ahead and get Tara involved in your escape at the hospital, I swear mom if Tara gets caught, I'm holding you responsible." Jax glared at her before turning his head to look out the window beside him.

What the fuck had Tara and his mother been thinking, Gemma had been in the hospital on house arrest for the murder of Edmond Hayes— Cameron Hayes' son— the prick who kidnapped his son...killed Half-sac and almost Tara.

Jax closed his eyes tightly, picturing her beautiful face. 'God what an ass he had been to her. All she had been trying to do was get closer to him, he had known that Abel's kidnapping was never her fault, but he couldn't allow her to be involved with him anymore, all it did was lead to heartache and death. She deserved a better life, being involved with him would only get her killed. He needed her to hate him— to move back to Chicago. He didn't know what he would do if something had ever happened to her because of him.'

"If anything happens to Tara, I wouldn't rush to put the blame on me, Jackson."

Jax pulled out his cell phone and opened it, his fingers scrolled the contacts, he stopped scrolling when he got to her name and he sighed. Jesus Christ, Tara what were you thinking helping my mother escape? He mumbled as he clicked on her name and went to text.

**"What were you thinking when you helped my mother escape? I told you that getting involved with her could make you an accomplice. You could get charged and go to jail...Christ Tara, are you OK?"**

"Jax? Are you listening to me?

Jax snapped out of his thoughts and glanced back to his mother, when he heard her call his name, "What?" He snapped, glaring at her angrily.

"I said If anything happens to Tara, I wouldn't rush to put the blame on me, Jackson. What the fuck were you thinking sleeping with that porn bitch? I hope you wrapped your shit up!" Gemma scowled and she glared at Jax.

Jax flinched at his mothers words, he was about to respond when his phone began to vibrate, he glanced down quickly, Tara's name flashed across the screen, he sighed clicking on her message.

**"I'm not your problem anymore, remember?"**

Jax sighed, god he had been such an asshole to her, she hadn't deserved any of it. All he ever wanted to do was protect her. "It's none of your damn business, Ma, stay outta my shit!" He said, before glancing back down to his phone and hitting the talk button and pressing the phone to his ear. It rang three times before her voice came on the line. Jax sighed and stood up out of his seat, he glanced at his mother before pulling out a cigarette and exiting the plane.

"Tara, please don't be like that." Jax whispered taking a small drag of his smoke, he sighed heavily, leaning against the cargo plane.

"Like what Jax? Like the only man I have ever loved betrayed me. Used me until it wasn't convenient for him anymore. I understand you're angry and hurt and want to find Abel, but don't you think that I'd be hurting too...I don't care what you say, he's mine too. No matter how much you hurt me, that will never change. I might not be blood related, but, he is my son. I am his mother."

"Tara, you're not safe with me. You are better off without me. You don't belong in this mess. You should have stayed in Chicago, you shouldn't have come back. I put you in danger. If- If anything happened to you, I don't know what I would do."

"Jax, have I not stood by you this last year through everything? You told me what I would be getting myself into, full disclosure, right? Well, I can handle myself. Stop treating me like a child. I took care of your son like he was my own. Put up with all the club bullshit. Put up with all the shit you've done to me these last few weeks, even after you cheated on me with that porn slut...I still stayed. I'm still here." Tara paused for a moment, she could hear Jax breathing heavily on the other end.

"I know you're scared Jax, so am I, but the way you've been acting, the way you've treated me, it isn't you. Your heading in the wrong direction, and I can't let that happen. I'm not running away this time."

"Tara you deserve better than me." He whispered and he could hear a soft gaging, then, he heard her throw up.

He frowned slightly at the loud sounds that echoed through the cell phone from Tara throwing up and he became worried. "Tara, what's wrong? Are you okay? What's going on?"

"Bring home our son, Jax."

* * *

It had been a long, hard, stressful day at the hospital and Tara was more than exhausted. She yawned, rubbing at her tired eyes. Opening her office door she headed inside, taking a seat at her desk. Her head pounded and the nausea she was feeling was also getting worse and she sighed heavily, "Damn you Jaxson Teller."

She moaned softly, her hand aimlessly rubbed small circular motions over her upset stomach, her phone rang loudly beside her and she reached for it quickly, smiling when Gemma's name flashed on the screen.

"Gemma, hey! " Tara answered, leaning back against the chair, getting comfortable. "I miss you, how are you Gemma?"

"Tara it's me!"

Tara froze as Jax's soft voice whispered in her ear. 'Damn you Gemma' She cursed silently, "Jax, hey..."

"I have been trying to call you all day...I found Abel babe." Jax interrupted her.

Tara gasped loudly and her heart fluttered, a sob escaping her lips, "Is he okay? Did they hurt him?"

Jax swallowed, the pain in her voice awakening emotions he hadn't felt in months. "He's healthy babe— just perfect. He's asleep right now, in my arms...he keeps asking for you. He misses you." Jax paused for a moment, sighing heavily. "I miss you."

Tara's breath caught in her throat and she shifted uncomfortably in her chair, "Tell him I miss him too," She whispered, "Tell him I love him."Tara couldn't tell Jax she had missed him— not yet. She couldn't let him off that easily. He had hurt her badly— crushed her.

Jax was hurt that Tara didn't tell him she had missed him, he understood why she didn't. He had been a prick. "I know you're pissed at me right now, probably want to shoot my ass for the shit I put you through. I deserve everything I have coming to me. I would understand if you never want to speak to me again - I'd except that- wouldn't like it, but, I'd accept it."

"Jax..." Tara interuppted and Jax stopped her. "Tara please, I need to say this. I need you to know how I feel. "

Tara sighed, but didn't say anything, just waited for him to continue.

"The day in the hospital, after Donna had died...I...I meant every word, babe. Besides Abel, you're the only thing that matters to me. Not my mother, not the club— YOU. I had a lot of time to think while I was in Ireland and you were right. None of it matters. The only thing that matters to me in this world is you and Abel. You're my family Tara...Abel's mother...I fucked up bad babe, I know i did— I want to make it right. I need you in my life. I can't do this without you. I love you. I love you so much it hurts."

Tears streamed heavily down Tara's face as Jax claimed his love for her, she coughed as a sob caught in her throat and she gagged a little at the biol entering her lungs. Did he really expect her to take him back so easily? The shit he put her through, broke her more than she would ever admit. He had betrayed her.

"Just bring Abel home safely, Jax. We will discuss _us_ later." Tara whispered softly. She glanced at the clock before grabbing her keys off the desk, "I'll be at my fathers house, bring him there when you get to town. I want to check him out. I need to make sure he's okay. I'm not on rotation again til Friday. See you soon, Jax." Tara hung up the phone not waiting for a response from Jax. She wasn't in the mood to be having this conversation on the phone with him, they were going to talk alright but it was going to be face to face..When she had told him cheating was a deal breaker, she hadn't been lying. Tara was no crow eater and she definitely wasn't his junkie ex-wife. She had never put up with it before when they were in high school and she wasn't going to start now. If he wanted to be with her, he was going to grovel and do everything she asked of him before she even thought of taking him back.

Shs closed her office door and zipped up her jacket and headed down the hallway to the elevator, but, before she reached it, a hand came out of nowhere, punching her hard in the face, knocking her unconscious.

TBC...

Are u intrigued?


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi, everyone. Wow it has been a while since I have been on here and able to update. crazy busy last few months working. But I'm back! :) Thank you to everyone for the awesome feedback. I'm so happy everyone is enjoying it and i hope you keep on enjoying it.**

**Well, since I last updated Season 5 was still on, but that has now ended for another year! :(**

**God, Season 5 made me so angry and sad. Jax & Tara were just coming into the roles of being King and Queen and then shit just gets so messed up. And...GAWD Jax is really pissing me off. I love Jax and I love the man he has become, since Season one, but, man is he ever being such a dick! He doesn't care about anyone it seems like except for the end game. I dont think i seen any affection from him this season towards Tara except for a kiss here and there nothing passionate. I almost thought I was going to get something when she was in the bathroom and she was all hot for him, then he just left her to masturbate with Luanne's perfume lol... I feel so sorry for Tara...poor girl just wants to do the right thing for her family and she loves Jax so much. Can't believe that she got arrested. I can't wait to find out who went to the cops and why Jax didn't seem to be bothered much by it...Damn having to wait til next Sept...that's too long of a wait! :( I have updated my site with Jax and Tara graphics, and other stuff if yu wanna check it out, the link is on my profile! **

So while we wait, here's the new chapter of Only You!

Sorry if there is mistakes, i might have missed something, let me know if you notice anything! This was not beta-ed

**Thank you again for all the lovely comments, I really love to know what you think, I always love hearing what everyone has to say. Hope you enjoy this! :) **

* * *

The room was dark and cold and Tara groaned, as her head started to throb, her eyes searched the dim room and her eyes fell on a figure in the corner, sitting in a chair, legs crossed. She could tell the person was a woman, because they were wearing heels, so it was definitely a woman.

Tara's vision caught a bunch of filing cabinets beside the girl and she sat up quickly, wincing as she positioned herself up right. She could tell she was in one of the offices in the hospital, which one, she wasn't sure. The lady cleared her throat loudly and Tara glanced up to the figure in front of her.' Fuck, why was it so damn dark,' Tara mumbled, "Who are you? What do you want with me?"

The lady laughed, reaching over the desk beside her and turning on the small lamp. "I'm Abel's mother, the one you sent to rehab and then let my son get kidnapped. I heard it was you that was with him when he got kidnapped. Now— he's gone and **you're** still here? What the fuck happened, Tara? Did you even try and save him? If it was me I would have died for him, I wouldn't have let that Irish man take him." She sighed, and brushed her hair away from her face, "I'm here to give you these, please make sure Jax gets these, If I don't hear from him by next Thursday, I'll be back with a lawyer." Wendy grinned as she handed Tara, who was still sitting on the floor, the custody documents and pulled her purse over her shoulder, "I'm the one who is going to get custody of Abel when Jax finds him, Tara. I **will **make sure of that."

Wendy moved away from the desk and started to walk away when Tara started to rip the papers up, causing Wendy to turn.

"He's not your son, Wendy. You made that decision when you stabbed yourself full of crank. He is my SON, I have been his mother for over two years now. I'm the one he calls mommy. The only one who he will call mommy. You will not be going anywhere near him, I **will** make sure of that." Tara yelled, who was now on her feet, inches from Wendy's face.

"Don't you think I tried everything to stop it from happening. You have no idea what I saw, what I went through. None of you guys do— I love him like he's my own." Tears formed in Tara's eyes and she held back the tears, her gaze hardening towards Wendy. Her posture stiffening slightly and her hand wrapped around Wendy's throat and she squeezed lightly. She wasn't going to be weak, this time. No, she wasn't.

"How the hell did you know about this anyways, Wendy? The only people who knew anything about Abel's kidnapping was Samcro and a few others associated? Who are you hanging out with Wendy!"

Before Wendy could respond, the door to the office opened and the light flicked on, Margret Murphy stood at the entrance of the door, a surprised look across her face. " Dr Knowles, what is going on in here?"

Tara let go of Wendy's throat and moved around her, towards Margret Murphy, "Nothing Margret. Everything's fine. Wendy is just leaving, aren't you Miss Case?

Wendy snarled as her right hand rubbed her sore throat and she glanced toward the chief of staff. "I would like to file a complaint. She attacked me! You seen it!" Wendy huffed stomping towards the two ladies in front of her.

Margret glanced at a very upset Tara, then glanced back at the irate lady in front of her. She had recognized the woman Tara had been fighting with, Abel's mother, an ex-junkie. She contemplated on what she was going to do for a few seconds and remembered Tara had alot going on right now with Abel's kidnapping, her relationship with Jax and her pregnancy. She decided she needed to give Tara a break this time.

"I'm sorry Miss Case I actually didn't see Doctor Knowles attack you. I'm not sure what is going on here...but, you seem to be upsetting my employee, so I would like you to leave, before I call security."

Wendy snarled, "You better hope he is safe...I'll be back next Thursday with a lawyer, Tara. If Jax wants to talk, I'm staying at the Ramada, room 202." She glanced at Margret then Tara before storming out of the office.

"You alright, Tara?" Margret asked, as she lead Tara out of the room into the hallway. "Is there anyone you want me to call?

Tara smiled slightly shaking her head, "No thank you Margret, I'm fine just a little tired, just going to head home and have a long, hot bath."

"Okay Tara, if you need anything, please just let me know. Are you sure you don't need me to call someone to pick you up, you look a little shaken?"

Tara smiled at Margret, placing her hand over the older lady's arm, "No thanks Margret, I'm fine, just tired. I'll be okay." Tara started to head toward the elevator but turned back, glancing at the older woman, "Thank you for that. I know you're not a fan of mine, but I appreciate it." Before Margret could respond, the elevator opened then closed and Tara was gone.

* * *

Jax smiled as they pulled up to Teller Morrow, it had been a long flight and he was tired, he wanted to get his son home and he wanted to see Tara. He needed to see Tara.

"Do you want me to take Abel in so you can go see Tara?" Gemma asked, as she closed the van door.

Jax's smile faded as he remembered their conversation last night. She had made it pretty clear that she only wanted to see Abel, not him. She wanted nothing to do with him. He glanced down at his sleeping son and smiled slightly." Nah, we okay Ma. Go ahead and get some rest, I'm going to take my son home.

Gemma pulled Abel and Jax into a hug and kissed Jax on the cheek, then Abel on the top of his head. "Okay baby, love you."

Jax smiled kissing Gemma on the cheek, "Love you too, Ma.

Gemma smiled and turned heading towards the clubhouse, "Hey Jaxson," She called, stopping and turning back around " Don't screw this up, this time. She is your Old lady, Abel's mother. Bring her home. I don't care what you have to do, but do it!"

Jax laughed, pulling Abel closer to him and breathing in his scent, "Yes maam!"

Jax headed to the truck, opening the passenger side and putting Abel in his car seat and buckling him up. He smiled at the sleeping baby and bent down, pressing his lips to Abel's forehead. "I love you son, I'll never let you go again." Abel stirred for a moment before drifting back to sleep, his little snores, soothing Jax's nerves. " You gotta help me out buddy with your mom. She hates me right now." Jax whispered as he placed another kiss on his sons forehead before shutting the door and going around the truck to the drivers side and getting in. He started the truck and sighed, leaning his head back against the seat, his eyes closing tightly.

Jax had no idea what he was going to do. He had royally fucked up with her. The shit he pulled, the shit he said. He couldn't even forgive himself for it, so how could she? He reached in his pants pocket reaching for his phone and opened his eyes, taking in a huge breath he flipped it open.

**Tara, we just landed. Abel is fast asleep. It's pretty late, I'm going to take him home. Maybe you could swing by? It would be nice to see you.**

Letting out a breath, Jax leaned forward, putting the phone in his console and putting on his seat belt. He pulled into reverse and his phone beeped. His foot pressed on the breaks and his heart raced as he picked up the phone, nervousness filling his body. He swallowed hard, as he flipped his cell phone open.

**Jax— where are you now?**

Jax glanced at the message and typed quickly, **Just leaving TM. Will you come?**

**Don't go anywhere, I'll meet you at the clubhouse****— we need to talk.**

Jax glanced at the message and swallowed the hard lump forming in his throat, sadness filled his heart as he realized that her wanting to meet him here, wasn't a good sign. Tara hated the clubhouse, never wanted to go there, hated the scene that surrounded it. Probably more so now, after she caught him with Ima, _fuck!_ Jax groaned and pulled the truck back into his spot and turned off the ignition.

Jax jumped slightly as a knock at his window startled him.

"Jax you okay?"

"Jesus christ Ma you scared the shit out of me."

Gemma could tell something was upsetting her son and she opened the truck door, "I'll take Abel home tonight. I'll drop him off bright and early tomorrow morning. You go deal with your shit."

Jax looked at his mother strangely and she placed a hand on his shoulder, "Tara just called me. Your ex-junkie wife paid her a little visit at the hospital. Attacked her and told her she was going for full custody of Abel and blamed the kidnapping on Tara "

"Shit!" Jax groaned, his gaze caught his mothers and tears filled his eyes. "What am I going to do? I'm crawling in shit here, Ma...What the fuck am I going to do?

Gemma smiled slightly cupping Jax's face in her hands and kissed his lips. "You're going to fix it baby, you'll grovel if you have too. Now go on inside, she'll be here soon. I'll bring Abel home in the morning. Good luck!"

TBC...

* * *

Hey, sorry for the cliff hanger, i have a really intense scene coming up and wanted to end this here. I hope everyone enjoyed this like the last one! Been trying to get my muse going, so might not be the best... Grovelling and smut is definitely on its way :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi, everyone, THANK YOU for all the awesome feedback, the favorites and the followers! So glad to hear this fic is liked! :)**

** So...I miss SOA so much I have decided to re-watch the series! ****  
**

***sigh* LOVE this show! i can't wait to get to the bathroom scene in Season 2 "Fix" hehe...Well i'm on a writing streak, so here is chapter 3, i hope you all enjoy!**

**Sorry if there is mistakes, i might have missed something, let me know if you notice anything! This was not beta-ed**

**Love to hear your thoughts on this chapter!**

* * *

It been over an hour since Jax had got the text from Tara and he was getting impatient. She had said she would be right over— where the fuck was she? He entered his room at the clubhouse and shredded his clothes, not bothering to turn on the light.

He entered the bathroom, flicking on the light and heading to the shower. He turned the tap to hot— but not too hot and then slipped his fingers through his knotted hair. It had been one week since he had seen her. It had been over a month since they had really been together besides the kisses out of habit, their love life wasn't the greatest, with Abel being kidnapped, his mother on the run. He hadn't really been in the right mind frame at the time. After Abel's kidnapping, all he cared about was finding his son. He didn't care who he hurt in the process, even if that person was the love of his life.

Jax reached for the shampoo and poured a small amount in his hands and lathered his hair,

He had royally fucked up. What did he really think would happen after he banged Ima? He fucked the shit out of her all night at the clubhouse and rubbed it in Tara's face the next day. He had set the whole thing up. He knew Tara would come looking for him the next morning..He had totally played her and he played her emotions well.

He wanted her to leave him, get out of this life, his toxic life. His mother was becoming to much of a influence on Tara and he was starting to not like it. He had to admit, his mother was a damn good Old Lady and Mother and he would do anything for her, but sometimes Gemma Tellar could sometimes be more ruthless than Clay and that didn't sit well with him. He wanted better for Tara then a life on the run. Not a life of guns, war, death. So...Jax had done the one thing she said she would never accept... cheating. That would be the deal breaker of their relationship. He had never ever thought he would treat her so badly, but, the guilt, rage and sorrow he felt, consumed him and he couldn't help but blame some of it on Tara.

How could she let Cameron take Abel? Had she even tried to save him? He hated himself for thinking like that, but some part him wondered if Tara could have done more, protected Abel more.

When he found out she had lied to him about the leave at the hospital, assaulting her boss and killing the his Grandfathers nurse. He had been beyond pissed at her. What the fuck had she been thinking? She could have lost her medical license, served real time in jail. He wouldn't let that happen, he'd leave her before it had got worse. He couldn't handle lies, especially not from Tara.

Jax snapped out of his thoughts as he heard his bedroom door slam, and his heart slammed into his chest."Shit! Keep it together, Tellar," Jax mumbled before quickly rinsing, he opened the curtain and then reached for the towel hanging over the sink.

Drying off quickly Jax wrapped the towel around himself and entered his room, stopping when he seen his best friend, sitting on the edge of his bed, smoking a cigarette.

"Tara's waiting outside in her car, you're supposed to meet her outside, she doesn't seem too happy. Looks like you're really going to have to grovel a little bit more than you thought. She's really pissed." Opie laughed, putting out his smoke and standing up. "Good luck with that, brother!" Opie laughed again, slapping Jax on the back. "i'll pray for you."

"Very funny Op, you're loving every minute of this, aren't you?"

Opie turned and a huge grin crossed his face, "You got that right brother, you've been quite the dickhead to her. You deserve what's coming to you, but I do believe she loves you, she's pretty angry right now, but I think she'll come around. Just take the beating for a bit. You and Tara belong together—your love is like, fairy-tale shit. It'll all work out."

"Yeah, right, " Jax snorted, pulling on a pair of jeans, then his favorite grey hoodie, "I hope so, thanks Op. I'll see you later."

Opie nodded towards his friend and Jax left the room, slipping through the clubhouse hallways and out the back door avoiding his other brothers. He spotted Tara's cutlass immediately and sucked in a breath, "I hope you're right, Op." He whispered as he headed to the car, he opened the door, and leaned inside.

"Get in."

Jax swallowed, his eyes falling on hers, the hurt, hate and betrayal in her gaze, broke his heart and he climbed in. "Hey—"He whispered, his eyes never leaving hers, he could see how exhausted she was emotionally and physically and he reached for her, his hand brushing her cheek lightly.

Tara flinched at Jax's touch and she turned away quickly from him. She started the car, put it in reverse and glanced at Jax, her face hardening. "I think **_we_** need to pay your ex wife a little visit!"

Jax turned to her as she pulled out of Tellar Morrow and he shifted uncomfortably in the passenger seat, a low moan escaped his lips and his fingers slipped through his blonde hair and he swallowed the lump forming in his throat. "What happened with Wendy today, Tara?"

Tara glanced at Jax quickly before refocusing on the road. She turned left and they headed towards town. "She knew everything, Jax. Who kidnapped Abel, who was there when it happened. How does she know all this stuff, hasn't she been in fucking rehab! I will not let her take my son. She never raised him, didn't care if she killed him as she stabbed herself full of crank. I'll kill her before she gets to see Abel...She even tried getting Margret to file a complaint. I don't want this battle in my workplace, I will not stand for it. You need to deal with this shit and end it now, Jaxson. If you love me and want to make this work then you need to get rid of your old trash. Your old ways. I'm too old for this shit Jax."

Jax was shocked at the hardness that came off of Tara, the old Tara wouldn't have been like this, even the Tara from only a few months back would always be the neutral to everything, didn't try to get involved in his shit with the club or his ex wife. He smiled slightly, he was proud of her she had really came into her role as his Old Lady. Even after everything he did to her, she hadn't left. She just buried herself deeper into his mess.

"I love you, Tara. I meant everything I said in the hospital a year and half ago and last night. I know I fucked up babe. I was in such a bad place at the time, I was so messed up, I was so angry after Abels kidnapping and Half-sac dying...even Hale. I just wanted you safe, not to be right in the middle of this shit show I call a life. You're a fucking surgeon, you help save peoples lives everyday and I'm always involved in something illegal. You left Charming ten years ago, because you didn't like who you were becoming. It had never been Charming, it was me, it was my life, what I brought into our relationship. I didn't want that for you again Tara. So, I did the one thing you said would be our relationship deal breaker.

Tara pulled in to the hotel visitor parking at the Ramada where Wendy was staying and parked. She kept the car running and undid her seat belt and turned towards Jax. "Why Ima, Jax? Out of all the god damn croweaters throwing themselves at you everyday, why the porn slut?"

"Cause I knew she really bothered you, knew it would cut you deeply. I have known you since we were sixteen years old, Tara. I know what buttons to push. I was a prick Tara. I can't deny that and can't change that, but, I will show you how sorry I am, I will do anything to get you back, I can't live without you!"

Tara's body stiffened and she clenched her fists angrily, "So, if what you just said is true what changed Jax, in one week, to make you all of sudden want me in the shit show you call a life. Tell me, what the fuck is different? You think getting Abel back just changed everything. What we have been through, what you have done to me, I don`t know If I can do that. " Tara hissed, turning the key and shutting off the ignition. She opened her door and started to get out but turned instead, her green eyes filling with tears.

"Right now I want your dead beat ex wife out of our lives, then, we can discuss everything else."

Jax held back his tears as she slipped out of the car and slammed the car door, He had knew this wasn`t going to be easy, but he realized that it was going to take alot more then some groveling and a groan escaped his lips, he opened the door and slipped out, shutting the door and joining Tara on the sidewalk.

Shit was just going to get messier, he thought as the headed up the walkway towards the hotel.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors notes: Sorry for such a long wait. Been crazy busy lately. Thank you to everyone for all the awesome reviews, followers and favs. I am so glad you are enjoying this fic! Hope you enjoy this chapter and please let me know what you think!**

**Love to hear your thoughts on this story!**

* * *

Jax stood still as they waited for the elevator to open. He was extremely nervous and very afraid of Tara at the moment. He had known Tara since he was sixteen and she never had been the one to cause conflict. She had usually stayed pretty hidden, avoiding confrontation. No matter how much someone pissed her off, she would never let it bother her. But after everything Tara had been through, the pain he caused her, the bullshit with the club. Wendy. He wasn't sure what Tara would do. He was actually _afraid_ of what she might do. Shit had definitely hit the fan.

She glanced towards him, disappointment, hurt and anger flashing through her eyes.

"Tara, I—"

"Please don't!" She snapped, putting her hand up to Jax's mouth. The elevator opened and she stepped out and turned right. Jax lowered his head in shame and followed Tara down the hallway. Tara stopped at room 202 and knocked.

After five minutes, Tara turned to Jax who was avoiding her look by staring at the ground. "She's not home, we will come back tomorrow and settle this."Tara said, brushing past Jax and towards the elevator. Your mother is at your house with Abel. I think there is some things we need to discuss. We will go to my fathers house."

Jax looked up finally, his blue eyes catching Tara's gaze. "Father's house? I thought you were selling it? You had a buyer and everything?" Jax questioned, as they stepped out into the cool night.

"I was and I did, but, things changed Jax. You made it that way." Tara whispered, as she unlocked her car door and got inside. Jax sighed, walking around the car and getting into the passenger seat. They both put on their seat belts and Tara sped off. Neither one of them spoke on the way back to Tara's fathers house.

Tara turned onto her father's street and pulled into the driveway, parking and turning off the ignition. She turned towards Jax, his eyes were closed, a frown upon his lips. Tara reached for his face, her fingers almost touching his cheek. _God, he was beautiful. _She had missed him so muc_h._ She sighed and pulled away quickly.

Jax opened his eyes and sat up, watching her as she slipped out of the car, his eyes followed her as she walked up the driveway and into her fathers house. He sighed heavily, his right hand slipping through his long, tangled hair. He undid his seat belt and opened the car door, getting out. He reached in his kutte for a cigarette and lit it. He figured he would give Tara a minute before he went into the house. He was prolonging the inevitable, as soon as he stepped foot in her fathers house he would realize that she was really done with him. _He couldn't_. He didn't want to accept it. Wouldn't accept it. Jax took the last drag of his cigarette and threw it on the ground, stubbing it out with his shoe, his blue eyes glanced at the small house and they caught her figure watching him through the living room window.

He swallowed, "Let's get this over with Tellar."

* * *

Tara scowled, what the fuck was happening. She was so pissed off at Wendy and Jax, she hadn't been thinking logically. What did she think would happen when she got to Wendy's room? She knew deep down that it wasn't just to talk. She wanted to hurt Wendy, hurt Jax.

'Damn this shit is so messed up.' She whispered, moving away from the window, 'What was she getting herself into?The only thought she had was Abel. Wendy would not get custody, it would take a while but in the end Tara knew in the long run, Wendy wouldn't win, but she couldn't have the long run, she needed to keep her boy safe, a way from his junkie mother.

Tara grew pale, she became nauseous and placed her hand on her stomach and began to pace her fathers living room, she was furious with Jax, with Wendy. Dizziness overcame her and Tara moved to the couch and sat down, taking a deep breath and putting her head between her legs. She had been having alot of dizzy spells lately, as well as morning sickness and irritability and this was the only thing that seemed to help with it. She breathed in deeply and she exhaled, she took another deep breath in, "How did all this get so fucked up" She asked herself and the door to her fathers house shut loudly and Jax answered,

"Because I fucked it up."

Tara's green eyes lifted to Jax and his shoulders slumped, he lowered his eyes, avoiding her painful stare. "Tara— I don't know if you will ever forgive me for what I did to you, said to you— You have every right to hate me. I was a complete dick head. After I found out you helped my mother kill that nurse. I got scared, I didn't want you to have a life like that, didn't want you to end up like my mother... After my mothers rape, Zobelle, Abel's kidnapping, Half sac. It wasn't settling down. I'm so sorry for everything."

Jax sighed heavily, he reached for her, his large hand clasping over hers. She tried to pull away but he tightened his grip on her, "Tara, I couldn't imagine what it would feel like if you did that to me. I mean't every word I said at the hospital that day after Donna died. There is only one face I see Tara, no matter how hard I tried. It drove me crazy after you left. I would try and move on, enjoy life." Jax snorted, "It didn't matter who came to my bed, who I used. It was always you. Do you know how fucked up that is? How weak I felt that you had left me and I couldn't move on. Even ten years later, I lied to my friends, my brothers, my mother. But I couldn't lie to myself. I knew I would never be truly happy unless I was with you."

"Why do you say that shit? Every single time Jax, even when we were sixteen. Every time you fucked up, you ALWAYS retreated and said bullshit stuff that would reel me right back in. When I left and went to Chicago, the only thing that kept me for coming back was knowing we both had to grow up."

Tara sighed and she turned to Jax finally, "Do you really see a life for us Jax? Away from the club? Ever since your mother got raped, I couldn't shake this feeling that something bad was going to happen. I couldn't go a minute without wanting to pack my bags and leave for Chicago. I tried so hard to leave but I'd get pulled back in, by your mother, by you, then I realized the only damn thing keeping me here wasn't you, or your mother, it was Abel." Tara paused, seeing the hurt in Jax's eyes at her words.

"I love you Jax and I have loved you since I was sixteen years old, I really don't think I have a choice in that, believe me I've tried to stop but I think I need some time away. My aunt is moving next week to Australia, I need time alone. i am going to help her pack and say my goodbyes to her."

Jax swallowed, his gaze averting Tara's, he stood and headed to the kitchen. '_What the fuck was going on here, was she really thinking of going back to Chicago for a visit? What if she didn't come back. Fuck, Teller, what the fuck are you going to do?'_

"When are you going? Do you know when you will be back. I have my arraignment in a few days. I'm going to be charged Tara." He knew what he was asking for was selfish but he didn't care. In two days he would be getting charged and going to jail for a minimum of eighteen months. A lot could happen in a year and a half. He needed to react quickly if he wanted her to stay.

"I know this is alot to ask for and I have already called Roslin. I want you as Abel's legal guardian. There's no one else I trust more than you, Tara. Stay until my arraignment and then take Abel with you, go as a family."

"The Wendy thing, if you don't deal with it, I will. She attacked me at my workplace, threatened us, my job. Thankfully Margaret is actually giving me a break for once and not riding my ass and threatened her with calling security. I was so close Jax to hurting her...my hands were wrapped around her neck." Tara whispered, her lips trembling slightly.

"It's done." Jax stood up, his hand reaching in his pocket for his cell phone, he dialed and exited the room.

Tara relaxed as Jax exited the room, knowing Abel would be with her in Chicago instead of here in Charming was more than enough satisfaction for her. She wanted them all to be a family once again, but she couldn't forgive Jax just yet for his betrayal. Tara knew not telling Jax about the baby was a bad idea. She knew secrets hurt, but after everything he had put her through, he deserved not to know.

Jax entered the room and stopped as he realized Tara wasn't in there, he turned as he heard the tea kettle go off in the kitchen, he followed the sound and found Tara pouring hot water into two mugs,then picked them up and passed one to him and took a seat at the table.

"What will happen to Wendy?" Tara asked, as she took a sip of her tea, leaning back in her chair. "Is it Illegal?"

"It's dealt with, you will never have to see Wendy again. Trust me, she'll never get to see _our_ son."

Tara nodded, "It's late and I'm tired." She stood, glancing down at Jax before brushing past him quickly, "I'll get a hold of you sometime tomorrow. Goodnight Jax."

Jax was taken back by her abruptness and followed her towards her old bedroom, he stopped in the doorway and leaned against the door frame. "Could I pick you up in the morning, take you and Abel for breakfast at the diner, then maybe go to the park. We could spend the day together." Jax whispered hesitantly.

"We will see." Tara answered, walking over to the dresser and pulling out a nightie. "You can take the cutlass home. Good night, Jackson. I'll see you in the morning."

Jax wished Tara had wanted him to stay, he had so much to apologize for, show her how much she really meant to him. How sorry he was for everything that had happened. He knew tonight wasn't going to be that night, but, tomorrow was a new day.

"Good night, Tara. See you in the morning. I love you."

Jax knew that it would take a while for him to get her trust back, but he didn't care he was going to do what ever it took to get her back, even if it meant him hiding out in Chicago with her... leaving the club forever.

Tbc


End file.
